Group Coaching Program for Couples

Missing Us

Helping couples refocus + reconnect after becoming parents

The next round of Missing Us starts the week of October 9, 2023! Registration open NOW!

You love being a parent…but you miss the close and connected relationship you used to have with your partner before you had kids.

Becoming a parent has been incredible and life-changing.

You adore your kids and you and your partner are doing your best to settle into a good routine to make all of the schedules work, spend quality time with your kids, and manage your careers.

But despite all of the good stuff, your relationship with your partner has suffered.

Before you had kids, you and your partner enjoyed the feeling of being emotionally connected, and the ease of intimacy and affection. But becoming parents has made it so difficult to stay connected.

It feels almost impossible to make time for each other, and when you do, you’re both distracted or exhausted and don’t make the best use of it. Your conversations are often focused on the kids or what has to get done, and not the in-depth, meaningful conversations you used to enjoy.

Before kids, it felt like you had all the time in the world to talk, hang out, or have sex. Now it sometimes feels like you are just two parents living parallel lives who rarely actually talk or touch.

The trouble is, you don’t know how to get back.

You’ve read countless articles, listened to podcasts, and checked out the best books on marriage. But despite all the good information out there, you haven’t been able to implement it consistently.

You know you need a plan to build new habits for connection now that you are parents. And you know you need support to stay consistent.

You also know that you can’t do this alone. You need your partner to be invested and work with you to improve your relationship.

You’re ready to put in the time and energy to make lasting changes to your relationship. You’re ready to stop accepting that you won’t feel close in this stage of life. And you’re ready to restore the connection and intimacy you’ve been missing.

Imagine what it would be like if…

  • You were both actively working on your relationship by learning the same information and both putting in effort to make changes.

  • You created new routines and habits for your day and week that not only prioritized time with each other, but also kept you organized and reduced the conflict (and chaos!) in your house)

  • You understood why you seem to have the same conflict over and over - AND knew what to do to change the cycle!

  • You could talk honestly about how household and childcare tasks are currently divided and have a real plan to work towards a more balanced division of labor.

  • You were able to reach a shared understanding of how you want to parent your kids, and find practical ways to support each other when one of you is struggling.

  • You both had more understanding about how your sex life has changed since having kids and how you can improve the dynamic so that sex is more frequent and more enjoyable.

  • Your relationship was the most meaningful, foundational relationship in your life. It gave you the security and comfort to handle all of life’s other challenges.

Missing Us is a group program for couples like you who are ready to make space for their relationship so that they can feel close, connected, and secure with each other again. AND who know they need guided structure from an expert to get there.

“Abby is amazing. You can tell that she really knows her stuff and genuinely cares about the participants in her program. We instantly felt at ease with her, and the vibe she set in the group was very open and non-judgmental. It really made it easy for us to ask questions and share our own personal experiences while listening to the experiences of others, which helped us to get the most out of this program.

We are so thankful we chose to take this course with Abby. It has strengthened our marriage and helped us realize that EVERYONE struggles with connection when they have young kids.”

— Kristin + Ian (previous Missing Us participants)

Hi! I’m Abby.

I’m a licensed couples therapist and relationship coach.

I live in upstate NY with my two wonderful school-age kids and amazing husband of almost 20 years.

And like you, my spouse and I have been deeply invested in our relationship, but struggled in the transition to parenthood. We, too, have had to work hard to maintain a secure, connected relationship once we had kids. 

As a couples therapist, my practice has been focused on helping couples find their way back to each other after babies are born. My work with couples over the past 15 years has helped me really tune into what couples are needing and wanting, and which specific skills and habits are needed to get there.


Decades of research have shown us what the common challenges are for couples who are navigating parenthood together.

Not only do we know what those struggles are, but we know what couples need to be able to work through these issues and reestablish closeness.

So many couples could benefit from not only learning this information and developing these skills and habits, but having support to implement them. I know how to help you refocus on each other and restore the relationship you’ve been missing.

MISSING US ISN’T COUPLES THERAPY

We won’t be doing in-depth work on your past: previous relationships, traumas, and childhood experiences. We will be taking a deep, yet practical, look at the present and what is getting in the way of your ideal relationship now so that your future relationship is more secure.

 

AND IT ISN’T SELF-HELP

You won’t be left alone in your struggle to navigate and implement all the great info you get from books, podcasts, and social media accounts. You will be given step-by-step guidance to implement all the best tools and skills, and you’ll get support when you’re struggling.

 

In fact, it’s a tailor-made relationship mentorship program that supports you and your partner as you learn new skills, build better habits, and connect with each other more deeply than you have in years.

Here’s what previous Missing Us

participants are saying:

  • “Abby and Missing Us provided us with a great framework on which we could deepen our relationship. We left the course with a greater understanding of each other in many ways, the knowledge to address problems in the future, and many resources to help us grow. Abby is a super knowledgable, thoughtful and approachable educator.”

    -Alaina

  • “Take this course! Missing Us was a great program for us. It gave us a detailed roadmap to talk about our relationship without either side feeling blamed. Abby also has done so much research and given the highlights and tips that are helpful to give your relationship a reset. The action steps given are realistic. Abby is very responsive and helpful.”

    -Cristina

Why Missing Us is designed to be a group program:

  • New Habit.

    Showing up each week for your group meeting will, undoubtedly, do something powerful in your relationship: develop a habit of focusing on each other. For 90 minutes each week for 8 weeks, you will focus on each other, learn concepts and habits that will strengthen your bond, and talk through important (and sometimes tough!) topics in a new way. This habit alone will improve your relationship.

  • Normalizing.

    It’s incredibly helpful to hear from other couples going through the same struggles as you and realize how normal and common your struggles are. Being able to do this can bring down the anxiety and insecurity you may be feeling that your relationship is the only one struggling in parenthood.

  • Collective Wisdom.

    In addition to the concepts and skills I will be teaching each week, you all will be bringing your unique perspectives, experiences, and strengths that will bring tremendous benefit to the group. There’s also so much value to having other people share what has worked for them and what hasn’t. Sharing your own experiences will make the group that much richer.

  • Learn More Deeply.

    Group programs place value on the discussion, processing, and implementation of the information delivered, rather just on the cognitive learning. Due to the discussion-based lessons, group programs tend to help people process what they are learning more fully and be more prone to put it into action.

  • Economical.

    This may be very important or very unimportant to you, and I think it’s worth mentioning that group programs provide a tremendous amount of education and support, at a fraction of the cost of private coaching or therapy.

  • Community.

    I cannot promise that you will develop real friendships with the other couples in the group, but I can tell you that it’s very possible- especially if you are open and engaged in the process. I have met some of my closest friends through online group programs. There is something really unique about being in a closed group where you are all working on the same thing that really brings people together. This may not be your primary reason for joining Missing Us, but I think it is an added bonus.

You’ll get the most out of this program if you choose the Group option. Participating in the 8 week structured format will help you consistently work through and implement the material each week.

However, if time or budget doesn’t allow, you can work through the course materials on your own in the Self-Study option.

  • Option A: Group Program

    $997

    Pay in Full or 3 payments of $332

    NEW: 6 payments of $166

    What’s Included:

    Welcome Video + Pre-Module Lesson

    8 Weeks of Missing Us Lessons delivered LIVE during group meeting on Thursdays at 8pm EST / 5pm PST (recording available)

    Weekly Group Meetings include time for Q&A, discussion with other couples, and private discussion time with your partner.

    Weekly Asynchronous Coaching (via Voxer app)

    Digital Workbook

    Weekly Challenges

    BONUS: (new this round!)

    **Financial Compatibility Masterclass with Darcie Milfeld, MBA

    **Personalized Division of Labor Roadmap

    **Private Facebook group (optional)

    Buy Now

  • Option B: Self-Study

    $397

    Pay in Full or 3 payments of $132

    Work through lessons at your own pace

    Courseroom opens on October 9

    What’s Included:

    Welcome Video + Pre-Module Lesson Video

    8 Weeks of pre-recorded Missing Us lessons

    Digital Workbook

    BONUS:

    **Personalized Division of Labor Roadmap (available for additional cost)

    BUY now

What’s Included in Missing Us:

  • Weekly Group Call

    Weekly 90 minute group calls on Zoom where we will explore one topic central to your relationship. Each week, I will give you curated, detailed information on that week’s topic, and will teach you skills to practice in your relationship. After you learn the information and skills, you will have private time to work with your partner to reflect and process. Then the group will reconvene to ask questions, share reflections, and create action plans unique to each of your relationships. Weekly group meetings are on Thursdays at 8pm EST / 5pm PST. **(Option A only)

  • Asynchronous Coaching (via Voxer app)

    In case you’re not yet familiar, Voxer is an app on your phone for asynchronous communication. During the 8 weeks of the program, I’ll be available for weekly asynchronous coaching via Voxer. You can voice message or text message me anytime during the week in our private thread with questions, struggles, and celebrations. I’ll respond back on Wednesdays between 9am EST - 5pm EST. This is a really excellent way to get support between group calls. **Option A only

  • BONUS: Personalized Division of Labor Roadmap

    NEW THIS ROUND: As a supplement to Week 5 in the program, you and your partner will get personalized feedback from me about what steps you can specifically take in your household to make progress toward a more balanced division of labor. You’ll submit a form to me that details how tasks are currently divided, as well as specific info about your family and each person’s work, skills, and preferences. I will review all the information, write up a detailed plan, and record a Loom video to walk you through your Roadmap. This is a truly unique opportunity to get individualized, step-by-step guidance on an issue that is incredibly challenging for most couples. **Included for Option A. Additional cost for Option B.

  • BONUS: Financial Compatibility Masterclass

    NEW THIS ROUND: Research shows that money is one of the top three reasons why couples have consistent, perpetual conflict. Which is why I have decided to bring in a financial expert this round to help couples improve their financial compatibility and reduce their risk for conflict in this area. Tune in for a special bonus lesson where I will be joined by financial coach Darcie Milfeld, MBA. Darcie will share her top skills, habits, and mindset shifts for couples to make who are wanting to finally get on the same page about finances. **Option A only.

  • Digital Workbook

    You and your partner will each have your own copy of the workbook, which will guide you both in a deeper conversation about each week’s topic. Also includes important skills handouts, relationship trackers, and space for journaling and goal setting.

  • Weekly Challenges

    Participate in weekly challenges designed for you and your partner to practice one actionable skill that will have an immediate impact on your closeness. 

  • Private Facebook group

    NEW THIS ROUND: As requested by previous Missing Us participants, join our private Facebook group to ask questions, connect with other couples, share struggles and wins, and build community with each other. **Option A only.

Here’s what we’ll be working on week by week…

  • Pre-Module: Assess & Goal Set

    Before the program starts, you’ll get access to a pre-recorded lesson that will help you answer the questions: How did we get here? Where do we want to go? Begin the program on week 1 with a better idea of what you both want in the relationship.

  • Week 1: Routines & Habits

    Evaluate which current relationship habits are working, and discover new habits to implement. Explore how much time you spend time together, what kind of time, and how to improve it. Get curious about what kinds of habits help you both feel loved, cared for, and appreciated. Begin tracking which habits have the most impact on feelings of connection and closeness.

  • Week 2: Attachment Styles & Cycles

    Learn more about attachment theory and discover each of your individual attachment styles. Identify how your attachment styles inform your negative interaction cycle. Gain insight and learn skills for de-escalating the cycle and creating a new, positive cycle.

  • Week 3: Communication Skills

    Learn and practice new skills for communicating more effectively and more deeply. Learn to respond to each other differently so that you prevent having the same conflict over and over again. Feel more understood, cared for, and on the same page.

  • Week 4: Conflict & Repair Skills

    Learn skills for improving conflict and disagreements so that arguments are less heated and you avoid saying or doing things that are hurtful to your partner and your relationship. Then discover what is needed to truly repair with your partner after a conflict to regain connection.

  • Week 5: Division of Labor

    Explore the very common and very consequential dynamic in modern marriages of unequal division of labor. Learn how to rebalance the load in a loving, supportive way.

  • Week 6: Parenting Styles

    The topic this week won’t be about which parenting styles are best, but will be about helping you and your partner navigate what to do when you disagree about parenting styles. Explore the dynamic between you two when it comes to parenting, explore the deeper meanings behind each of your styles, and work together to find a parenting path that works for you both.

  • Week 7: Sex & Affection

    Explore ways to increase daily affection and physical closeness. Start improving your sexual relationship with your partner by improving your ability to talk about sex (talking about sex is of the best, often overlooked, ways to increase sexual intimacy!). And learn practical ways to increase pleasure and work on overcoming common sexual obstacles. This week we will be extra sensitive to each couple’s need for privacy as we tackle this vulnerable topic.

  • Week 8: Routines & Habits part 2 + Celebrate Success!

    Revisit habits created in week 1, consider their effectiveness, and learn new habits to implement. Pay close attention to how each habit impacts feelings of closeness and intimacy. This week we will also celebrate each couple’s development during the program, and pull together all you’ve learned to create a unique plan for connection in your relationship going forward.

"There's so much value in having structured time to talk about certain topics. We can feel so overwhelmed that even when we do have time, it feels like we have to work on everything. It’s nice to know that we have time set aside to work on something specific that will help our relationship. Having the accountability, structure, and plan to just sit down and talk about these topics feels really exciting and necessary for us." -Kimberly

This program will you give the time and space you need to focus on each of these important areas of your relationship.

Some areas may feel more pressing than others for each couple; but all the topics are crucial for a strong, healthy partnership.

But wait! Is this therapy? How do I know a group coaching program is right for me?

Great question! And nope, it’s not therapy! Missing Us is an educational and experiential group that lasts 8 weeks and is designed to teach couples new skills and habits to create more closeness and connection. It is action and present focused and is for couples who are ready and motivated to make changes now. 

Missing Us is almost like a couple’s retreat that is spaced out over 2 months and that you can do from your living room!

These 8 weeks could transform your relationship!

 You really can get back to a place where you feel close and connected in the midst of parenting. You don’t have to wait until the kids are older and you have more time to have the relationship you want. 

In fact, working on your relationship now is a gift to your kids. It’s a gift for children to grow up in a household that is not only secure and stable, but where they see daily examples of what a loving, connected relationship looks like. 

By participating in Missing Us, you’ll get all the tools, structure, and support you need to reconnect and work through all the struggles common to parenthood. 

Common Questions:

  • This is a really common concern! So many people doubt that their partner will join them to work on the relationship. And it can feel super vulnerable to ask.

    So, take a deep breath, and say, “Hey babe, I know we’ve been more disconnected lately and have been wanting to figure out how to feel close again. I found this program that I think would be really helpful. Would you be willing to give it a try with me?”

    If your partner is still reluctant to join, please reach out and we’ll schedule a 20-30 minute call to talk more about the program and cover any other hesitations.

  • This is totally up to you. Every couple is different and has different needs, preferences, and budgets.

    Some couples will find that the weekly group meetings and lessons, plus Voxer office hours, and the private FB group perfectly meet their needs and they are looking forward to benefitting from being in a group with other couples.

    Other couples may find that they don’t have the time or budget to make the group program work and would like to work through the lessons at their own pace.

    If you’re still not sure, feel free to schedule a 20 minute chat with me via Zoom to talk through your individual situation.

    Schedule 20 minute chat here: https://calendly.com/abbynordquist/20-minute-chat-1

  • This is such a great question! And it’s so normal to feel nervous. Most of us don’t talk to our friends about our relationship very deeply, much less strangers. But that’s kind of the beauty of this program. Being in a cohort with other couples who are in the exact same place as you can be incredibly normalizing and supportive. Learning this material alongside other couples who are also learning and growing is a really powerful experience.

    Participants from the first round of Missing Us shared that they LOVED the group aspect and not only learned from the other couples, but also felt reassured that their struggles were normal.

    I will do everything I can to create a safe, supportive space for each couple to work with each other and the other couples towards a closer relationship.

  • The calls are scheduled for Thursdays at 8pm EST / 5pm PST starting on October 12. If you have to miss, you’ll get access to the recording the next day to watch with your partner on your own.

  • Option A: You and your partner will have access to me via Voxer, where you can text or voice message me privately during the week. I will respond weekly during the designated office hour times.

    You will also have access to me (and the other couples) in the private Facebook groups. This is a great place to share wins, ask questions, and get support from me and other couples.

 

  • As soon as you register for the program, you will get access to the Welcome Video, Pre-Module Lesson, and special bonus lesson. You can watch and work through these lessons at your leisure before the program officially starts on October 9, 2023.

    The first group call will be on Friday, October 12 at 8pmEST (5pmPST).

  • Nope! This program is queer and trans inclusive and is for any committed couple who wants to restore connection and closeness. While I do work with folks in poly/CNM relationships in my therapy practice, this program is geared towards couples who practice monogamy.

  • Each week you’ll attend a 90 minute group coaching call where you’ll learn that week’s materials and have private time with your partner for processing together, as well as group time for questions and reflection. You can use the weekly office hours as much as you’d like to get asynchronous coaching on your unique relationship.

    You’ll also be given a digital workbook for you and your partner to use for more discussion and practicing skills outside the weekly group session. Plus, you can participate in the weekly challenge. So, you can plan to spend 2-3 hours/week on the program, in addition to all the time and focus you’re going to be able to put in with your partner on your own :)

    AND even though I really hope you can keep up with the weekly group sessions, I know that life happens and you might have to miss. That’s why you will get replays of the calls emailed to you so you can watch (or rewatch!) the lessons anytime you want.

  • This is such an important question. If you and your partner are facing more serious difficulties in your relationship (recent infidelity, verbal or physical abuse, conflict so frequent or intense that you’ve lost trust and warm feelings for each other), please reach out to a qualified couples therapist. Even though I am a licensed couples therapist, this particular program is not therapy and is not intended for couples who need intensive couples therapy.

  • This is a program that requires you and your partner to be all in. Once the program has begun, there will be no refunds. Here’s why: this program asks each of you to show up in brave and vulnerable ways - not only with your partner, but with the group and with yourselves. Your commitment to the program and to your relationship is needed in order to help you get a good outcome. You will get out of the program what you put in.

  • Great question! If you’re not sure if this program is the right fit, please feel free to schedule a 20 minute chat with me via Zoom to discuss your relationship and answer any questions you have about the program! I want each couple who enrolls to feel confident about their decision. I am more than happy to talk through your individual situation and give you my honest feedback about whether this program seems like a good fit for you.

    Schedule 20 minute chat here: https://calendly.com/abbynordquist/20-minute-chat-1

If you miss the connectedness you used to feel before kids, and you’re ready to put the time and energy back in your relationship, then this is the program for you.

8 weeks from now, you could be in a very different place than you are today. Yes, your relationship will be different than it was before you had kids (how could it not be?!), but you can absolutely get back to a place where you feel close, deeply cared for, and intimate with your partner. 

Your relationship is worth working on. I can’t wait to help you each step of the way.

It’s time to get back the connection you’ve missed. Join me.