Missing Us

The transformative program for couples to reconnect + reprioritize their relationship after becoming parents.

Join Missing us now

  • Your relationship hasn't felt like a priority since you had kids.

    You and your partner are exhausted and rarely have time together to connect. When you do have time together, you mostly talk about the kids, schedules, or what needs to get done. You often feel lonely and unimportant.

    You find yourself missing your partner, even though they are often right next to you.

  • You feel really disconnected.

    You two have been bickering and arguing more and more, and it seems like you can never resolve a disagreement or repair after a fight.

    All the unresolved conflict has really changed how connected you feel emotionally and sexually. You feel more like roommates than partners.

  • You don't feel like you're on the same team.

    The way that you divided chores worked fine until you had a baby. Suddenly there were twice as many tasks and not enough time to do them. Caring for your child(ren) has also become a sore topic and it constantly feels imbalanced.

    The resentment grows with every argument about the mental load, parenting, and childcare. You really wish you could be a better team.

Here’s the truth…

The ways you maintained a healthy relationship before you had kids don’t work anymore.

The context of your lives has changed drastically since becoming parents. You have so much less time, energy, and resources to devote to just each other.

But that doesn’t mean you have to just accept it and wait until the kids are older before you can work on your relationship.

It means that you’ll have to adapt to your new context.

Shift your mindset. Learn some new skills. Build some better habits. And learn to prioritize each other even during these busy, often chaotic, parenting years.

It’s totally possible to have a close, connected, satisfying relationship … even when your kids are little.

But you need a roadmap and a guide to help you:

  • Figure out how to make your relationship with your partner a top priority, not last on the list.

  • Take an honest look at your current daily and weekly routines and habits…and be willing to make some changes to create routines and habits that prioritize each other AND reduce chaos and overwhelm.

  • Really learn how to communicate well. Learn to talk about your feelings and address issues as they arise so that tension and resentment doesn’t build up, which usually causes blow ups or emotional distance (or both).

  • Finally figure out a better plan for rebalancing the childcare and household tasks so that it feels fair, you stop the constant scorekeeping, and neither of you feels resentful or overwhelmed.

  • Learn to be a team when it comes to parenting your kids. Get on the same page with your parenting styles and learn strategies to support each other when you’re struggling in a difficult parenting moment.

  • Experience more romance and intimacy. So that you stop feeling like roommates, and instead feel cherished and wanted.

  • Understand why you have such different levels of sexual desire, how to navigate different levels of desire and work through the sexual difficulties that are most common for couples with kids.

I want this

Your relationship with your partner is the foundation of your family.

Assuming that in the future there will be a "better time" to focus on your relationship can be a risky plan. Research shows that the longer couples wait to work on their relationship, the more disconnection, resentment, and discouragement about the future they feel.

You need to prioritize your relationship now, not later, in order to prevent problems from getting worse.

Which is why I created Missing Us

Decades of research have shown us what the common challenges are for couples who are navigating parenthood together. Not only do we know what those struggles are, but we know what couples need to be able to work through these issues and reestablish closeness.

So many couples could benefit from not only learning this information and developing these skills and habits, but having support to implement them. I know how to help you refocus on each other and restore the relationship you’ve been missing.

Reconnect and reprioritize your relationship (even during the busy parenting years!) inside Missing Us.

This 6 month, research-based, therapist-created couples program will guide you and your partner step-by-step through the process of prioritizing each other and adapting your relationship to this new phase of life.

So that you can stop missing each other…and instead enjoy a more secure, balanced, and happy relationship.

  • "It felt like Missing Us was made specifically for us."

    “Missing Us is a tremendous resource for couples who are wanting to reconnect and refocus on their relationship and it provides the structure and tools necessary to help that process. Abby is a warm and affirming guide through the process. Highly recommended, especially considering how valuable and limited our couple time is.”

    -Zack

  • "Take this course!

    Missing Us was a great program for us. It gave us a detailed roadmap to talk about our relationship without either side feeling blamed. Abby also has done so much research and given the highlights and tips that are helpful to give your relationship a reset.”

    -Cristina

Hi! I’m Abby.

I’m a licensed couples therapist and relationship coach.

I live in upstate NY with my two wonderful school-age kids and amazing husband of 20 years.

And like you, my spouse and I have been deeply invested in our relationship, but struggled in the transition to parenthood. We, too, had to figure out what needed to change in order to have a secure, connected, and fulfilling relationship once we had kids. 

As a couples therapist, my private practice has been focused on helping couples find their way back to each other after babies are born. My work with couples over the past 15+ years has helped me really tune into what couples are needing and wanting, and which specific skills and habits are needed to get there.

I’ve put everything I’ve learned - both personally and professionally - over the past 20 years into Missing Us. This program will give you and your partner all that you need to recalibrate and reprioritize your relationship after becoming parents.

3 Steps to Reconnecting in Parenthood:

  • Step One: Balance your Priorities

    Balance parenthood, partnership, and individual needs. Learn to prioritize your relationship with each other. Develop healthy habits and routines that increase connection and reduce chaos

  • Step Two: Deepen your Connection

    Build a secure attachment. Learn healthy communication, conflict, and repair skills. Increase romance and sexual intimacy.

  • Step Three: Become a Good Team

    Divide household and childcare tasks in an equitable way. Align parenting styles and function as a good parenting team. Have a shared vision for your family’s future.

When you and your partner join Missing Us, you’ll get 6 months of access to:

 

The Missing Us Course

The Missing Us course includes 34 video lessons to watch on-demand when it is most convenient for you, reflection questions for each module to guide you and your partner in discussing the material, an Action Plan to keep all of your practical steps organized, and essential worksheets and checklists for each module.

In addition to the videos for each module, you’ll also get access to a private podcast where you can listen to each lesson on the go.

Group Coaching Sessions

You and your partner will be invited to join me and the other couples in the program for monthly, 60 minute group coaching sessions via Zoom.

These monthly sessions will give you support and guidance as you implement the Missing Us lessons and make changes in your relationship. Getting to hear from other couples in the program will also help to normalize the challenges of maintaining a close relationship while parenting.

Previous couples in Missing Us have said that the group sessions were one of their favorite aspects of the program.

Individualized Support

As you and your partner work through the material, you will have questions and will want feedback. Which is why I have added a private Slack Community to help you get quicker, individualized support.

You can post anytime to get your questions answered, to get feedback about a certain section of the course you’re working on, to celebrate successes, and to hear from other couples who are working through the same material.

I’ll respond back with a written or video response. This is a fantastic way to get unstuck, feel supported, and learn from each other.

The Missing Us Course has 7 modules, each with bite-sized video lessons + discussion prompts to work through with your partner.

You can work through the course at your own pace over the next 6 months.

  • First up, we will look at how your priorities (your kids, your partner, and yourself are currently balanced or imbalanced. You’ll learn about the mindset shift needed to get your priorities into the right balance so that all the areas of your life are getting enough of your time and attention.

  • Next you’ll learn the four categories of routines and habits that ALL couples with kids need in their lives to increase connection, prioritize their relationship, and reduce chaos and overwhelm in your home. You and your partner will create an actionable plan for how to build in these routines and habits during your very first week of the program.

  • During the next phase of the program, we’ll look at what the research tells us is necessary for adult partners to have a secure attachment - or bond - with each other and why this is so crucial to the health of your relationship. You’ll also learn how your current dynamic (or negative cycle) is likely getting in the way of a secure attachment.

  • Next up, you’ll learn the essential skills for healthy communication and conflict. I’ll teach you my favorite skill for navigating a disagreement or hurt feelings without it blowing up. AND you’ll learn the art of repairs (or: how to make up after an argument).

  • Now that your relationship is feeling more prioritized and you’ve got some solid skills in place to manage tough conversations, you are ready to tackle one of the most challenging areas of your relationship post-kids: division of childcare and household tasks. I’ll walk you through this complicated issue and give you a step-by-step process for creating a new system that balances the tasks in a more equitable, less stressful way.Item description

  • To have a healthy relationship, you gotta figure out how to get on the same page when it comes to parenting. You’ll learn about which parenting style has the best outcomes for kids, work towards aligning your parenting values, and practice supporting each other in difficult parenting moments - like a good teammate. :)

  • Lastly, you’ll explore the area of your relationship that distinguishes you two from being just friends: sex and romance. You’ll learn about what’s normal and what’s not, and discover how to navigate the differences you and your partner likely have when it comes to desire, romance, and intimacy.

THE VALUE:

Missing Us isn’t couples therapy … and it’s not self-help.

Six months of couples therapy or private coupes coaching with me is effective, but would cost between $4,000-6,000.

Reading a relationship book or listening to a podcast is inexpensive (or free!), but most couples struggle to implement all the good info and tools they learn on their own from a book or podcast.

Which is why I wanted to create something that is affordable and effective.

Missing Us is a tailor-made relationship mentorship program that supports you and your partner as you learn to connect more deeply than you have in years for a fraction of the price.

 

 

THE INVESTMENT

$497

one-time payment of $497

or

$187

3 monthly payments of $187

LIMITED TIME BONUS:

Join by Sunday, November 10 at 10pm to get a BONUS private Support Coaching Call

Use this 30 minute coaching call anytime during the program to get extra support, guidance in implementing a specific skill, or working through a stuck issue.

  • After Missing Us, we’ve been able to show up for each other in a different way. We now have a shared language for things that we struggle with in our relationship and how we want to improve them. The program helped us talk about different aspects of our relationship and get on the same page about how we can manage this stage of our lives together.”

    -Kimberly

  • I loved that Missing Us demonstrated how common all of our new parent struggles are. It made us feel like our problems aren't so personal, which helped us feel more optimistic about the future of our relationship. And Abby presented best practices for working through all these issues that really work!”

    -Katrina

  • “Abby is amazing. We instantly felt at ease with her, and the vibe she set in the group was very open and non-judgmental. It made it easy for us to ask questions and share our own personal experiences while listening to the experiences of others, which helped us to get the most out of this program.”

    -Kristin + Ian

  • Missing Us is designed for tired, busy parents with young kids. And yet, making meaningful changes does require some time commitment. Research has shown that making couples who make small, consistent effort in their relationship over time can experience significant improvements. The program offers flexible activities that can be done in as little as 1-2 hours per week, either in chunks or broken up into small amounts of time per day.

    Additionally, there are two specific sections of the Missing Us course that help couples with their time: the Magic Hour workshop (included as a bonus) helps couples increase and maximize their kid-free time together. And Module 1: Routines + Habits helps couples create better routines for their everyday lives that increases connection AND reduces chaos and overwhelm.

  • You can absolutely take it at your own pace. You have six months of access to everything inside of Missing Us. My recommendation is that couples two weeks on each of the six modules: one week to watch the videos + one week to focus on implementation.

    If you follow this pace, you'll still have 3 months of time in the program to ask questions, get support, and go back through sections of the course that need more attention.

    Full commitment is ideal for the best results, but the program is designed to be adaptable, so you can engage with the material as your schedule allows. The key is to keep moving forward, even if it's in small steps.

  • This is a really common concern! So many people doubt that their partner will join them to work on the relationship. And it can feel super vulnerable to ask.

    So, take a deep breath, and say, “Hey babe, I know we've struggled in our relationship since we became parents. I think we have both been wanting to figure out how to feel close again, but haven't been sure how to do it. I found this program that is specifically for couples in our stage of life that I think would be really helpful. Would you be willing to give it a try with me?”

    If either of you are still feeling reluctant to join or have questions about your specific situation, please reach out and we’ll schedule a 20 minute call to talk more about the program and if it might be a good fit for you two.

  • Missing Us is designed specifically for couples with kids at home. The on-demand course provides foundational knowledge for all couples in the parenting years. The group coaching sessions and individualized Slack feedback ensure that you get personalized advice tailored to your specific situation. As long as you participate in the group sessions and in the Slack community during the six months of the program, I will get to know you and your partner better so that I can understand your unique challenges and goals, and provide guidance that’s directly relevant to you.

  • I totally get this concern. Most of us don’t talk to our friends about our relationship very deeply, much less strangers. But that’s kind of the beauty of this program. Being in a group with other couples who are in the same stage of life as you (often with the exact same struggles) is incredibly normalizing and supportive. Learning this material alongside other couples who are also learning and growing is a really powerful experience.

    Previous couples in Missing Us shared that they LOVED the group aspect and not only learned from the other couples, but also felt reassured that their struggles were normal.

    I will do everything I can to create a safe, supportive space for each couple to work with each other and the other couples towards a closer relationship.

  • Slack allows me to provide real-time feedback and support. You can ask questions, share updates, and receive personalized feedback

It’s not only possible - but it’s necessary - for couples to experience intimacy and joy in their relationship with each other during the parenting years.

But in order to experience intimacy and joy, there are qualities, tasks, and skills (that are unique to the parenting years!) that are necessary for couples to develop.

When couples are happy, connected, and secure they handle parenting challenges more easily, experience less depression and anxiety, and are less prone to parental burn-out. When couples have a strong, loving foundation they create more stability for their kids, experience more joy, are more resilient, and have a more optimistic view about life.

Working on your relationship now is a gift to your kids. It’s a gift for children to grow up in a household that is not only secure and stable, but where they see daily examples of what a loving, connected relationship looks like. 

I’d love for you and your partner to have this too. I hope you’ll join us.